apple of the forest

{this moment}

2012-02-17T08:33:00.001-08:00

{inspired by soulemama}

A Chicken Named Soap

2012-02-17T08:33:00.000-08:00

Soap.

That's what she named our Rhode Island Red Hen.

Honestly!

I couldn't stop laughing when she told me!!

Emma has told me repeatedly that one of the yellow ones is named 'Sweetheart',

one of the spotty ones is named 'Kacki-Lacki'...and the red one is named 'Soap.'

I asked her why it was named that and she said,

'It didn't want any other name. It only wanted to be named Soap.'

Bourbon Reds

2012-02-16T08:10:00.000-08:00

We're totally getting some of these!

I just got my pre-order form for locally-raised bourbon red turkeys - I'm pretty excited!

They are raised by kids at a school on the other side of town, in cooperation with an organic farm.

The kids learn about farming and raising animals, and raise money for the program by selling the heritage birds. I've wanted to raise heritage turkeys for a long time but it has taken us a while to get to where we can do it. We'll likey just try for a few this year and hopefully have a breeding pair come out of the batch we get, along with a couple extras for meat. This will be our first time with turkeys, so cross your fingers for us. :)

Does anyone have any turkey experience or advice to share? I have read about how you should never keep them anywhere near chickens to avoid the dreaded 'blackhead' - but I know lots of folks around here who keep chickens and turkeys together and have no problem. We could always keep them on opposite sides of our property if we had to...thoughts on this, anyone?

I'm looking forward to taking lots of baby turkey pictures this spring! :)

{this moment}

2012-02-10T09:01:00.000-08:00

{inspired by the amazing soulemama}

* Mushroom Farmin' *

2012-02-09T17:51:00.000-08:00

We're trying our hands at growing shiitake mushrooms, using what's known as 'plug spawn', which are little bits of wood you plug into a log, that allow the mushrooms to colonize the log and grow.

I bought a bag of 100 little dowels inoculated with mycelium (the white mushroom filaments that you can see growing on old stumps and things) and kept them in our fridge until a winter storm at my folks' house brought down some tree limbs.

They gave me a pile of hardwood logs just right for growing mushrooms - all I had to do was start drilling...
...which caused me a bit of apprehension, actually. I have very little experience with power tools. I kept putting it off and hoping my husband would do it, until I realized that just wasn't happening!

So, last week, I took up the drill and decided to do it myself.

Emma was very excited to help.

We ended up just having a blast! It made a pretty great mother-daughter bonding activity, and she really was able to be involved in the process. I drilled the holes, and she put the dowels in for me to hammer. She wanted to keep going all afternoon, but the battery ran out on the drill, and I had no idea where to find the charger in the chaos of our garage, so we had to wait for Daddy to get home. (Of course he knew where it was - I have yet to understand his methods of 'organizing' things, but it seems to work for him!) ;)

We drilled the rest of the logs this week.

Emma really loved helping out. I am loving where she is at right now, and it's so fun getting to do things like this together while her brother runs around the yard. I hope she remembers these things when she is older.

We finished all our mushroomin' in no time!

I stacked the logs in the shade of the back of the yard, against an old post, where they will stay for the next couple years or so...and hopefully in about six months, we'll start seeing mushrooms!

{this moment}

2012-02-03T13:57:00.000-08:00

~ Joining in with Soulemama and friends ~

* Brigit's Two ~ Day Oatcake *

2012-02-02T21:36:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to share this recipe with you, since we have enjoyed it so much. It makes a moist, hearty oatcake with a wonderful warming quality. It feels to me like an ideal nourishing food for these middle-of-winter days. I baked a variation on a simple traditional oatcake recipe, substituting yogurt for buttermilk, and adding a bit more water.

I thought this bread fit wonderfully with the Brigit ~ Imbolc ~ Candlemas celebrations, since holy day celebrations often begin the evening before, thereby spanning two days. The evening before the festival day seems to be an especially magical time in folklore ~ there are so many fairy stories and folktales where happenings take place on May Eve, or St. John's/Midsummer's Eve, All Hallow's Eve, and of course there is the magical appearance of gifts on Christmas Eve! In the traditions surrounding Brigit's holiday, the night before (either January 31 or February 1, depending on where it's celebrated) is an especially wonderous time as well.

Beginning this bread the night before, you can set the batter out in the window to soak up a bit of the magic and blessings in the air. The oats also increase in nutritive value by soaking in the yogurt overnight, which is magical in itself! ;)

So, to make the oatcakes ~

* One and a quarter cups rolled oats (not the instant kind)
* One and a half cups plain yogurt
* Two and a quarter - two and a half cups wheat flour
* One teaspoon salt
* One teaspoon baking soda
* One to two cups water

(I usually cook intuitively/experimentally, and this is what I found worked for me - I am never all that definite with my measurements! With the water, I found that I just used enough to make a nice moist batter. Your mileage may vary...) ;)

On St. Brigit's Eve or Candlemas Eve, mix the oats and yogurt together in a bowl, blending them well, and cover with a towel. Leave them to sit overnight. In the morning, add the rest of the ingredients, pour into a buttered flat baking pan, and cook at 350 degrees F for about half an hour or so, more or less depending on your oven. Then let them cool and enjoy with some yummy butter or cheese, or perhaps some fresh milk!

* * *

~ Brigit's Day ~

2012-02-01T16:47:00.000-08:00

Today is the feast of St. Brigit or Bride, also celebrated as Candlemas, Imbolg, Imbolc, or Oimelc. It is a festival celebrated on the first two days of February in honor of this patroness of Ireland, midwives, healers, poets, and smiths, and a day that heralds the beginning of the lambing and milking season.

Our Groundhog Day traditions in the United States trace their roots in this ancient Imbolc festival, a day that finds us at winter's midpoint, pausing for a moment in the midst of the cold to become aware of the increasing light and the nearing arrival of spring.

Traditionally, fires are rekindled on this day, and cloths laid out overnight, to recieve Brigit's blessing. She is a fascinating figure to me - venerated as both a saint and a goddess, she is said to have been born with a fire leaping from the crown of her head up to the heavens, and fires have been tended in her honor for generations by nuns and druids alike.

Where I live, Imbolc comes during a period of temporary warmth,

when crocuses and forsythia

suddenly bloom between snows (or rains), and we step outside

into the glimpse of sunlight and reconnect with the world around us.

Spring has not yet arrived, but the changes are obvious, and the winter is visibly loosening its hold.

I began studying more about these ancient festivals in my early twenties, and always especially enjoyed the beauty and symbolism of this one. I came to know these days as a time for awakening, for drawing myself out of my winter's dormancy and kindling new dreams and ideas for the year.

As I became increasingly drawn into the farming life, keeping animals and working for a goat dairy, the agricultural roots of this holiday became much more tangible. Though I lived in the American West, our herds freshened at the same time of year as the ancient Celts'. The first week of February was marked by the bustling arrival of scores of wobbly-legged baby goats, and by the return of rich, creamy goat's milk.

For those who lived, and still live, nearest to the land, this day not only symbolic, but a celebration of the happenings of their daily lives, and of the workings of the world around them. It reflects the rhythm of the earth and the animals, the time that is kept in heartbeats and hoofbeats.

I no longer milk a herd of my own, though I feel the subtle changes in the land I live on, and even in our little flock of chickens. Thes seem more vivacious lately, and after a pause in their laying during the snow and ice, I found eggs once more in the nest box these past two mornings.

Our town also holds a seed exchange each year at this time, when hundreds of folks get together and share all the seeds they have saved from the past seasons, or any extra packets they have left over. This is an amazing event, one that I vow never to miss. I have gone for the past three years, and each time I return home with enough heirloom seeds for the whole gardening year, and enough to share with friends, family, and neighbors. It's a day I look forward to all winter long, and the seeds are like treasure to me.

I do miss the goats, though, especially this time of year. Hopefully we'll have a couple again, someday. Maybe when the kids are old enough help along with the chores!

In the meantime, we are taking in the breaks of February sunshine, getting seeds ready for the coming year's garden, and picking frost-sweetened kale for making a tasty colcannon.

Maybe we'll make some oatcakes, too...

* * *

Brighid of the Mantle, encompass us,
Lady of the Lambs, protect us,

Keeper of the Hearth, kindle us,

Beneath your mantle gather us,

And restore us to memory.

*Blessings to you and yours *

{this moment}

2012-01-27T09:09:00.000-08:00

{inspired by the fabulous soulemama}

* Mystic Orb Love! *

2012-01-26T13:35:00.000-08:00

A package came in the mail...could it be...?!

* It is!!!*

It's a pendant from Mystic Orb - a yellow Celtic love knot carved in yellow cedar. To top it off, it's in this sweet little bag, hand-dyed with walnuts! Beautiful, handcrafted, infused with love and care. Just the kind of thing you'd expect from Taryn, Jeff, and Bracken, the wonderful Wilson family.

If you haven't taken a peek at Taryn's blog, Wooly Moss Roots, I suggest you check it out! It's such a heartwarming and wonderful space, Taryn is so sweet, upbeat, and genuine, and her family is just beautiful. It's one of my favorite blogs ever.

I feel so lucky to have won this pendant on their recent giveaway.

I am so excited about it, but Eli gets to try it on first. :)

'How does it look, Mom?'

When it's my turn to try on the necklace, I keep looking down and gazing at the intricate workmanship.

I absolutely love it! I'm still wearing it, right now.

*Thank you, Wilson family, for this beautiful treasure!*

Ruskovilla Revival

2012-01-25T10:28:00.000-08:00

I've been coveting Ruskovilla Finnish woolens since I was pregnant with Emma. I'd always heard how wonderfully warm and well made they were, how they are so soft and non-itchy, and they just look especially sweet on little ones. They have always been outside our budget, though. So, I was pretty thrilled when I heard that a mama here in town was selling her used Ruskovillas! They had a few holes, but the prices were terriffic, and we bought enough pants and sweaters to keep the kids warm for at least a year or two. Yay!

Here's Eli's 'new' nappy pants, drying in the brief surprise sunshine after a lanolin wash. I darned them and then patched them with felt scraps that were leftover from making crowns. I thought the rainbow colors were so cheerful.

We got some pairs of Disana woolens, too (you guys, I am just so excited about all these woolens - it was the mother lode!) and I patched the holes on these red ones with bunnies. Another pair has evergreen tree patches. If I get a chance, I'll post some pictures of them after they're out of the wash...

It was kind of fun figuring out how to patch these up. It felt like a puzzle, trying to make them look pretty, while still being functional, and covering the holes wherever they'd managed to occur.

One of the tops I bought for Eli had a bunch of small holes in the front, and I was trying to figure out how to cover them without making the shirt look terrible, when I realized they could be turned into stars in the shape of Ursa major, the big dipper. I was pretty excited when I figured that out!

Emma's green pants have some patches designed to look like a raspberry and leaves. I think those ones might be my favorite. ;)

I realize it's nearly impossible to see the patches in these pictures, as it was dark in my house and the kids were way more excited about going out to play in the snow than about a photo op. (And I'm still not exactly sure what Emma was doing in these pictures, but she thought it was hilarious!)

Oh well, maybe I'll sneak some pictures when they're sleeping, or the next time the wash is hanging up! ;)

~ Happy Birthday, Mom ~

2012-01-24T15:56:00.000-08:00

* We love you! *

Stories for Snowy Days

2012-01-24T15:43:00.000-08:00

With all the snow we had last week, we needed some wintery stories to match. I just wanted to share a few of the ones we've been reading - they are classics and we just love them! They have inspired our imaginations these winter days...

It's fitting that we have been reading The Big Snow! The illustrations are so beautiful and remind me so much of my childhood. When I was a little girl, I always wondered how the animals experienced the seasons, the weather. I would sit in my house and imagine what life was like for them out there. I was so excited when our neighbor gave us their old copy of this book. It's lovely.

We've read The Tomten and The Tomten and the Fox more times than we could count. How much do I love those Tomten books? And how did I miss these when I was a kid? They're just totally delightful. I keep imagining a Tomten like that living somewhere around out place...though maybe we are more likely to have a Sasquatch? :)

I also have to share this book, which I found at a library book sale for ten cents.

Children of the Northlights was first published in the thirties by Edgar and Ingri Parin D'Aulaire. It's a story about the lives of Sami children living above the arctic circle in Norway and the illustrations are absolutely breathtaking. It's hard to find books about the indigenous people of Europe, especially children's books, so I felt really lucky to find it. I can't believe I'd never heard of this book before. And I can't believe I got it for ten cents!

I love the dedication...

...and see what I mean about the illustrations?

Beautiful.

The unfortunate thing about the book is that it uses the word 'Lapp,' which is now known to be a derogatory term. I have had this problem with antique books before - the story and pictures are beautiful, but sometimes there are very out-of-date, offensive words or phrases. So I make a point of saying 'Sami' when I am reading it to the kids. They can't read, so they don't know what's written there. When it comes time for them to read, I'll explain about the words. But for now, I'll just let them enjoy the story and the pictures, and the winter world, in all its gorgeousness.

I was excited to discover that the D'Aulaires wrote and illustrated at least twenty-six other books, including Children of the Soil: A Story of Scandinavia, East O' the Sun and West O' the Moon, Norse Gods and Giants, and D'Aulaire's Book of Trolls. I think I'll be seeking them out in preparation for the many winter days to come. :)

I'm not ignoring you, I swear!

2012-01-23T09:07:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to let you all know that Blogger is in the process of teaching me a lesson
in patience, as I am still waiting for it to let me reply to your comments...I was briefly able to the other day, but soon after, it stopped working again, and now whenever I make an attempt, it freezes up on me altogether! Oh, Blogger...

So, please know how much I have loved hearing from you. Thanks so much for taking the time to leave me a message, and I'm sorry I haven't been able to respond. It wasn't for lack of trying! Here's hoping Blogger gets it's groove back soon... :)

{this moment}

2012-01-20T08:15:00.000-08:00

{inspired by soulemama}

Inside, Outside

2012-01-18T20:27:00.000-08:00

*Hi, everyone ~ just to let you know, blogger is giving me trouble when I try and reply to your comments, or leave comments for other folks - so please know how much I have loved reading your replies and your blogs! It always makes me so happy to hear what you have to say.

Thanks so much for your kind words.*

It sure is snowy here. And boy, is it cold!

We want to go out, but then we get cold, and have to run back in,

before summoning up the excitement and courage to head out again.

To demonstrate, here's our chickens...

"Wow! Let's see what it's like out there!"

"Brrr! Nevermind...!"

;)

Thankfully, we had more fun than the chickens...

The snow is so magical, and it's such a thrill to step out the door into the transformed world...

...of course, first we have to get all of our layers on...

...some layers are more fun to wear than others!

...but no matter the trouble it takes, it's so worth it to go outside,
to experience the wonder of deep, fresh snow.

~ Snow Days ~

2012-01-17T17:13:00.000-08:00

* It's here! *

~ Sending you all some winter love ~

{this moment}

2012-01-13T12:04:00.000-08:00

{inspired by soulemama}

~ Transitions ~

2012-01-12T11:21:00.000-08:00

We have been looking at a lot of baby pictures lately, at Emma's request, and every time I am a bit amazed, seeing what the kids were like a year ago, or, in Emma's case, two or three years ago. It seems strangely suprising to see how much they have changed, I suppose because in the day-to-day realm I usually have less awareness of their transformation. It's only in looking back that I understand the magnitude of it.

I talked with a mama holding a four-month-old baby the other day and stared for a moment, stunned to recall that Eli was ever that small! He's still small, being a little sixteen-month-old baby boy, but he's nearly quadrupled in weight since he was born. Could you imagine if we grownups grew that rapidly?

Because the changes creep up on me, I think I forget how hard their bodies and souls are working at the basic effort of growing. I can't imagine the energy it requires. I am gaining a bit of understanding lately, though, as it seems that both my kids are in an especially big transition, and are requiring a bit more of everything - food, sleep, attention, exercise, stories, you name it. I've been tired, and my husband has, too. My saving grace this week has been realizing that while my kids have been requiring more energy on my part, one thing they need more of (that we weren't getting as much of) is down time. So we have been taking it pretty easy, and that's been helpful. It seems like a good time of year for that, anyway.

I remember Emma going through an enormous growth spurt last January. She grew over three and a half inches in around five weeks. Her hair grew like crazy, too, and she thinned out from the chubby little munchkin she was into the little string bean that she is today. I had to replace her entire wardrobe. When her grandparents came to visit after not seeing her for four months, she ran out to greet them and her grandma didn't recognize her.

Now she's going through another change - one she's been undertaking since the beginning of winter. It's more subtle, less physical, but important nonetheless. I'm not sure how to explain it...she's just becoming more herself. More defined. It's not easy all the time, but I know it's an important place to be for her. She sure has her own likes and dislikes and interests. And they're not necessarily always my thing. (It's been nonstop tiaras and princesses and unicorns around here for weeks...) Sometimes I just have to shrug and roll with it, and giggle, and sometimes I'm caught in momentary wonder when I see little glints of her personality that are a little bit like me. I have heard from other people about how we're alike, but it's not often easy for me to see. I don't think of her so much as 'my' daughter - she's just Emma! She's becoming more Emma all the time, and that's wonderful.

I wrote before about all the teeth Eli is getting right now. I now know that there are officially eight coming in at the moment. His molars finally started breaking through, but teething for this boy has been one long and arduous process. His teeth came in much earlier than Emma's did, but the teething process itself seems to take longer for him. He also deals with it a bit differently. Eli is much more inclined to vent out his frustrations or discomfort by whacking his hands on whomever is closest to him, or, if nobody is nearby, on his own head. When he really gets upset about things, he kicks and scratches, and has also bitten his sister a few times when they were arguing over who got to sit in the chair. It brought back memories of when my sister used to bite me when we were little! (Which is funny to think of, seeing that she's getting her PhD now!) It's no fun, but thankfully those moments are fleeting, and I feel grateful to have already have been a parent for a few years. I think this would have stirred panic in my heart earlier on, whereas now it seems pretty normal, albeit frustrating!

At Emma's school, they do 'gentle hands' for children whose hands are not being very gentle. Her teacher wraps the child's hands in silk and reminds them about how hands need to be gentle - it's very sweet and seems to work really well. So Emma, all on her own, has been doing 'gentle hands' for Eli. He's a bit wiggly, but I catch her getting those silks around his hands now and then. The other day she tried to do 'gentle teeth' for him, though, and that didn't go over so well...
;)

So, yes, life goes on and on, never stops changing. I feel like I'm growing right along with them, though thankfully I don't have to get three inches taller or quadruple in weight! ;)

Take care, folks ~ wishing you a lovely weekend ~

{this moment}

2012-01-06T13:21:00.000-08:00

Inspired by Soulemama ~

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing

a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment.

A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

~ Rainy Day Reads ~

2012-01-04T18:32:00.000-08:00

The rainy, windy days of January are upon us. Cold, damp, dark, and the wind stirring up the trees. From morning to night I watch them wildly waving and swaying. The clouds are constant overhead, but moving so fast, as if they're in a hurry to get to Canada.

And, while it's raining in town, we know that not far away, in our mountains, it looks like this..

It's the perfect time of year for reading a lot. I read loads more books in the fall and winter than I do the rest of the year. Most of the time it's in snippets, of course - a paragraph here or there before I have to clean something up or get someone dressed or make something to eat...but while Eli is nursing or after the wee ones are asleep, I'll read and read.

I have been drawn to books with lots of colorful pictures - I suppose to balance the grey-and- greeny-black colors of the world outside my window. I found a lovely copy of Renewing America's Food Traditions at the thrift store (Yay! Don't you love when you find something at the thrift store that you've been looking for for ages!?) and haven't had a chance to actually read much of it yet, but I love looking at all the gorgeous photographs of heirloom vegetables and heritage breed livestock. I am such a geek about this stuff!

This book totally makes me want to raise heritage turkeys. Just look at that big Narangasset on the cover!

Ooh, I want some of these!

Turkeys makes me happy. What is it about them? They're just awesome. I think we have to raise some next year.

And I want to grow ozette potatoes like these in my garden so bad, it's not even funny! (Yeah, I won't be doing anything in the garden for months, but I can daydream about it, right!?)

But as much as I love imagining my future garden, I don't really feel like escaping the season...not yet, anyway. I've been finding all these magical northern/wintery books, both for me and for the kiddos. Some new favorites include: Jan Brett's newest, Home for Christmas (as well as the old favorite, Trouble with Trolls), The Kalevala (the Finnish national epic), the beautifully illustrated Mammoth Magic, and a wonderful collection of northern folktales titled The Bear Says 'North!'

More inspiration for my north star dreams. I am so fascinated by the boreal world.

My favorite book at the moment is herbalist Beverly Gray's amazing work, The Boreal Herbal. It is just sumptuous, gorgeous, and wonderfully infomative. Though I do not live in the boreal forest, we share many of the same plant species here in Cascadia. I have been poring over this book every chance I get, itching to learn how to make hydrosols and creams, or spruce tip jelly, or pine bark crackers. I love it!

I love it so much, I actually tried reading it in the car on the way to the mountains. I've never been able to read in the car in my entire life without getting carsick. Somehow I thought this would be an exception - umm...not so! Thankfully, there is plenty of reading time ahead in the winter months to come...

* * *

What are you reading these days?

~ Hello, 2012 ~

2012-01-02T22:29:00.000-08:00

This week went so fast - I realize it's been that long since I've posted, but it feels like a blink, a blur. I suppose it's a reflection of the way this whole past year went - one of the best years of my life, but wow! it went so fast.

As we waited up for the new year on Saturday night I thought of how full the past twelve months had been, all the life that filled up those days. A year ago, my baby wasn't even sitting up yet, and now he's running all over the house, saying 'apple' and 'cheese' and 'shoes' and something new every day.

Our girl's hair has grown so long and she has grown so tall - I hold the clothes she wore a year ago and wonder how they ever fit her! We've all grown, I suppose, in one way or another. I still have plenty of growing to do, but I feel changes in me...like I'm getting older, and it's allright. I'm glad to be where I am now, and who I am, and I don't wish to go back to where I was before. Today is right where I want to be.

I say goodbye to the old year with a grateful heart, and welcome the new one with open arms.

~ happy new year! ~

~ Merry Christmas ~

2011-12-24T21:38:00.000-08:00

* A bright and beautiful day to you all! *

* Ring Out, Solstice Bells! *

2011-12-22T18:47:00.000-08:00

* Happy Winter Solstice, everyone! *

I hope the season is arriving beautifully wherever you live. We have had a magical day out on our favorite trail, taking in the wintry sunshine on this shortest day. This has always been a particularly poignant day for me, living where winter can be quite dark and light is so precious. I love the significance of this day, the beginning of the light's return as we enter fully into winter. And I love to celebrate it!

I also discovered this song by Jethro Tull and have been listening to it over and over. (And driving my husband crazy...) I love Jethro Tull. And yes, he is singing about dancing druids. Awesome.

Daddy's home now, and we are getting ready for candlelit feasting on turkey soup, cranberries, and mashies. Then a special solstice lantern walk, when we'll leave porridge out for our friendly wee gnomes. It's a polenta porridge - I thought it fitting for North American wee folk. Hope they like it!

*Yule blessings and winter warmth to you all*

~ The Shortest Day ~

2011-12-22T18:25:00.000-08:00

So the shortest day came, and the year died,

And everywhere down the centuries of the snow-white world
Came people singing, dancing,
To drive the dark away.

They lighted candles in the winter trees;

They hung their homes with evergreen;

They burned beseeching fires all night long

To keep the year alive,

And when the new year's sunshine blazed awake

They shouted, reveling.

Through all the frosty ages you can hear them

Echoing behind us - listen!

All the long echoes sing the same delight,

This shortest day,

As promise wakens in the sleeping land:

They carol, feast, give thanks,

And dearly love their friends,

And hope for peace.

And so do we, here, now,

This year and every year.

Welcome, Yule!

~ Susan Cooper

Preparing for Yuletide

2011-12-20T22:16:00.000-08:00

The shortest day of the year is almost with us, Chistmas is nearly upon us, and we are getting ready.

I can't believe how quickly this late season has flown - we have been so busy with all our preparations and potlucks and getting-together. It's been fun and festive, a flurry so far, this dark time that used to feel so long and lonesome.

We've been busy, but things are starting to slow down - the cards and packages are finally mailed, the presents are stashed in their somewhat secret hiding places, and with Emma off school this week, we're getting some down-time together.

Which, in Emma's opinion, should be spent doing things like this.

When I asked he why she put the straw in her brother's swing, she said, 'because we're little gnomes!' and got back to work. (That's what she's saying right there.)

Her brother was busy working, too.

I got some work done, too - something I've been wanting to do for ages, but ~~was afraid I'd screw up~~ hadn't gotten around to yet.

I made candles!!!

Lots of them.

I made about two dozen taper candles and about twenty tealights, using the little tins I'd saved from used tealights. Sorry the pictures are so dark - it is pretty dark around here these days - hence the need for all these candles! ;)

Okay, and I know the tapers look pretty wonky and somewhat blobby, but it was my first time ever attempting candle-dipping (except for when we studied the pioneers in elemenraty school, and that was about two decades ago) and they work wonderfully so far, so I am just pretty darned excited.

I used a couple pounds or so of local beeswax - some that I had been hanging on to for a while and some fresh stuff that I bought today. It all smelled heavenly when it was melting. I put all the little nibs from old candles in there, too. It took just under half an hour on low heat to melt down.

When the wax was ready, I started dipping my first wicks, and let them hang on a branch and harden before dipping them again. I put some newspaper and wax paper under them so that I could catch the drips, and peeled the drips off the wax paper and dropped them back in the pot. Emma watched (and Eli ran around) while I dipped the wicks over and over, and the candles slowly took form.

As the wax began to get low, and I realized the candles would only start looking weirder at this point, I pulled out my stash of tealight tins (yes, husband, they finally did come in handy!) and poured the remaining wax into them, setting the tiny wicks in as they cooled.

We lit some this evening, turned down all the electric lights and let the candlelight fill our home. It was so nice that we left the lightbulbs off all night. I'm writing this by candlelight now, with the amazing scent if lavender honey in the air. Mmmmm...

I think I could get used to this. :)

I am so excited to have these for our Solstice celebrations this week, for Christmas this weekend, and for the winter ahead of us. We'll be slowly walking out of the dark time with our windows full of light.

*Blessings to you all and hope your wintery workings are going well!*

On Winter's Margin

2011-12-18T09:17:00.000-08:00

On winter’s margin, see the small birds now
With half-forged memories come flocking home
To gardens famous for their charity.
The green globe’s broken; vines like tangled veins
Hang at the entrance to the silent wood.

With half a loaf, I am the prince of crumbs;
By snow’s down, the birds amassed will sing
Like children for their sire to walk abroad!
But what I love, is the gray stubborn hawk
Who floats alone beyond the frozen vines;
And what I dream of are the patient deer
Who stand on legs like reeds and drink that wind; -

They are what saves the world: who choose to grow
Thin to a starting point beyond this squalor.

-Mary Oliver

Goodbye, 'Hewwo!'

2011-12-15T15:37:00.000-08:00

Today's blog post is brought to you by the letter 'L'...

...because Emma just learned how to say it!

It's a really big shift for her. This letter has long evaded her, (sometimes along with the letter 'R') and up until now it was hard to imagine her talking any other way. Up until two days ago, 'L' had been subsituted with 'W' - resulting in Emma saying things like "hewwo," or "my wegs are code" or "My bruvver's name is Ee-why."

And then, on Wednesday, she came home from school with a big grin on her face and said "HeL-Lo E-Li!"

WHOA!

She is very proud of her ability to say the letter 'L' now and gives it a lot of emphasis, to show everyone that she can do it. I hadn't mentioned it yet, and she came up to me saying, "listen mom - 'chocoLate! chocoLLLate' When she introduces her brother, she puts a little extra in there, so it almost sounds like "Eel-eye."

It's really sweet, and awesome, and definitely takes getting used to for me - it sounds like another person is talking in her place. A grownup person! It amazes me how much she continues to grow and change, and how both our children change in own time and their own way. I am also amazed at how my kids have these big, new changes after having a rough patch for a week or two. They'll feel fussy, or weepy, or have a cold, or just kind of off, and then this new thing emerges. It happens with teeth, but also with all kinds of other things. I had a feeling that Emma was going through a transition last week, but I wasn't sure exactly what was happening. It must be a bit callenging for little people, making room in themselves for a whole new thing.

(Oh, hi. Mind if I borrow your hat?)

Eli has gone through a transition of his own lately - he is getting two molars (if you're wondering where I've been lately, ummm....yeah...), and on top of that, the boy has words now. Not just 'Daddy' and 'Mama' and 'Emma,' but as of this week, there's 'hi' and 'bye-bye' and 'apple' and 'down.' Sometimes I hear 'I want that' or 'where's Daddy?' or 'I did it.' And regardless of what he can say, I know that he understands us.

I love their voices so much. I never want to forget what they sound like right now, and I wish I could capture so much more of it - where they are is so sweet and so fleeting. I know it won't be long until they have moved on to something new.

Full Moon Frost

2011-12-10T18:24:00.000-08:00

Kale, anyone? :)

{this moment}

2011-12-09T15:40:00.000-08:00

I'm joining Soulemama and friends once again for {this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Winter Light

2011-12-05T11:17:00.000-08:00

Last week we gathered branches from our backyard and wove them into an old wicker wreath, and our advent wreath was born! It was our first seasonal craft together, and it got me in the spirit, though I had forgotten what it is like to make things like this with one-and-a-half-year-olds. Many times the the greenery was yanked out by Eli's quick little hands as Emma and I were making it, and after it was finished I decided that it would live on the desk in the kitchen, where everyone can see it, but it safe from curious little fingers. ;)

We lit the first candle last week, and gave thanks for the rocks and stones and minerals, the seashells and earthy things. I thought of how every rock I've ever held in my life was far older than my oldest ancestors. (They've seen a lot, those rocks. They must be very wise.)

We also went Emma's first Winter Spiral, which was utterly beautiful.

I wish I had pictures to show you, I can only tell you tell you about the gorgeous and simple spiral of cedar and fir boughs, of the candles gradually lighting the way inward, of the moss-covered stump in the center, the single beeswax pillar candle atop it surrounded by crystals and geodes. The room was warm, dark, and quiet, with gold and silver stars hung from the ceiling, and families waiting with their candles, entering the circle to kindle their their own light and place it among the boughs. As each person lit their candle, one by one, the spiral eventually filled with light. It was so lovely.

And impossible to photograph. And I think that's for the best.

I snapped this picture and thought, 'what am I doing!' and put the camera away. It was not a time for taking pictures, but for experiencing. It was a time of true peace and quiet.

Emma loved it. It was wild for me to see how she transformed in that space. My normally chatty, lively kid was in a state of quiet, reverent, almost meditative awe the entire time. When it came time to light her candle, she walked right into the center, dipped the wick into the flame, turned around, walked out, and placed the candle on a star as if she had done it a hundred times. She was so confident, so happy and right at home.

Going back to our real home was not as easy...after that experience, it was hard for Emma to transition back to plain old dinner and pajamas. We walked out to the car, and Emma suddenly realized that we weren't going back, and she became very sad. She kept asking to stay there, and asked to go back the whole way home. Poor Emma. I told her that I understood - it was a wonderful place to be. I wish I could have stayed there all night, too!

Thankfully, though the Winter Spiral is only one night a year, we know that the woods, the lake, the trails, will be here every day. We can find ourselves in surrounded by beauty, just by walking down the path.

Long may it be so.

This week we lit our second candle, and gave thanks for the plants and all they do. It is amazing to live somewhere where plants can grow almost anywhere. You can barely take a step here without treading on who-knows-how-many plants. I suppose I think about them quite often, as I am a gardener, and am into herbal medicine, native plant restoration, wild foods and plant ecology. I love plants! I also feel bad sometimes for how we treat them. They give so much to us, do so much for us, and we don't do a very good job of giving back to the plants, these lungs of the world. They deserve our respect and our gratitude.

We placed a few pinecones inside the wreath to represent the plants.

We're one week closer to Christmas, and nearer to Winter's true beginning, the time when the sun will slowly begin its return. It's not long now, and though outside the light is waning, we're enjoying where we're at.

Wishing you all a beautiful week!~

{this moment}

2011-12-02T09:47:00.001-08:00

Joining Soulemama and friends for {this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Seven Things You Don't Know About Me...

2011-11-30T20:05:00.000-08:00

I have been writing this post in my head for weeks, ever since I was invited to participate in the challenge by the amazing Lauren Luquin. I have thought and thought about what I wanted to say and kept coming up short, or thinking of something really interesting and then forgetting it before I could write it down. Thankfully, my little guy went to sleep early tonight and I have a bit of time to think and write. I found this to be a really fun exercise - it helped me to remember and appreciate some of the things that make me who I am. Feel free to join along!

1. When I was in college, I dreamed of one day walking across America. When I first met my husband, I told him that was what I was planning to do when I grew up. (I'm not sure I ever told my parents about this, though, come to think of it!) ;) I wanted to walk from one coast to the other. I was pretty set about doing this one day, but life moved along, as it tends to do, and I did other things instead. I still think it would be a really great to take that walk, though - maybe after the kids have grown up we'll take to the road.

2. My favorite flower is the pasque flower, also known as the windflower or prairie crocus. They are fuzzy, purple flowers that arrive just after the first thaw. When I lived in the Rocky Mountains I used to go looking for them in the forest, and sometimes I'd find them popping up through the snow. I planted two of them in my front yard to welcome the spring each year. I think they are such interesting flowers, and almost otherworldy. I wonder if our favorite flowers say anything about us?...

3. I have, and have always had, extremely vivid and colorful dreams. My dreams are often so lifelike and intense that often, upon waking up, I have to reorient myself and remember where I am. Some of my dreams have changed the course of my life.

4. Speaking of dreams...I had surprisingly accurate dreams about both of my children before I knew I was pregnant with them. I can still remember those dreams as clear as day. I wish I could show them to someone else because they were so beautiful. :)

5. I used to be in a band, and even on went tour once upon a time!

6. My car is older than me.

7. I am the proud owner of a pair of buffalo-hide shoes that were handmade for me by a man who lived in a pink school bus. I kid you not. If you ever run into a guy in a pink school bus selling shoes, BUY SOME! They are the most durable and comfortable shoes I've ever had, and the shoemaker said with proper care, they will last a lifetime. I plan on wearing them forever.

* * *

So now you know a little more about me...and I'd love to learn more about you! I'm supposed to invite ten other bloggers to join me in this adventure, but I'm going to break the rules and open it up to anyone who wants to participate. ;) So, if you feel like joining in, paste your link in the comments, so we can take a look. Thanks folks!

Thanks, Chickens!

2011-11-29T16:14:00.000-08:00

Our hens have finished molting, and their plumage has renewed itself beautifully. Scraggly-looking pinfeathers have been replaced with shiny, lustrous plumes. I've never seen our girls looking so good.

They've also started laying again, which was a welcome surprise. We weren't sure if they would now, with the drop in temperature and light availability. But, the other day, I found an egg waiting like a treasure in the coop. I brought it in with excitement and we added it to that morning's omelette. The yolk was such a rich, dark orange color, and the shell was such a deep, pretty pink that I wished we could have kept it somehow. I crossed my fingers that there would be more eggs to come.

The next day, there were none. I wondered if perhaps the single egg was a fluke, and if we shouldn't expect much. We still had plenty left in the fridge that we'd bought while our girls were molting, so I figured I wouldn't worry about it.

On Sunday, there was big feast at our friends' house, at the conclusion of a prayer ceremony that had been going on over two weekends. Our friend is Apache, and he and his wife were hosting the ceremony for a Lakota elder who is close with his family. Families from various tribes had traveled from as far as Arkansas to attend. There were going to be lots of people there, including some of Emma's classmates and their families, and I was really excited and honored to have been invited.

We were asked to bring cornbread, and I was all in a tizzy about making sure that I made a really good gluten-free cornbread. I usually don't cook gluten-free, but some of our friends can't have it, so I wanted to accomodate them. I huried to the store that morning to get the right kinds of flour, and came home and started mixing...and then realized, to my chagrin, just half an hour before we were supposed to be there, that we were out of eggs. My husband had eaten them all, and the recipe called for two. Aaack!

We stood there in the kitchen trying to figure out how to make two eggs appear. I asked Trav if he'd checked the coop and he said he hadn't seen any. We knew if we went back to the store that we'd end up being really late, and we'd just been to the store! We thought about asking the neighbors for eggs (Trav hates asking people for things, so that one was voted out!) He put his coat on to check if the convenience store down the street had any eggs.

I wondered..."Can you just check the coop again? Maybe there's eggs in there now..."

"Seriously?" he laughed. "They've laid one egg this entire month."

"Why not? You never know..."

He rolled his eyes and walked out there to humor me. I stirred the batter and greased the pan. And a few minutes later, he came back inside, smiling.

"Well, the chickens came through for you. There were two eggs in there!"

I spun around with a big grin, and sure enough, there were two fresh, pink eggs in his hands. We got the cornbread in the oven, just in time for the feast. Hooray!

Thanks, chickens!

Gratitude * Sunday

2011-11-27T18:20:00.000-08:00

I'm joining in with Taryn from Wooly Moss Roots this week for Gratitude * Sunday.

If you haven't met Taryn yet, hop on over and take a peek at her blog - it's so joyful and sweet and lively and inspiring. I always love reading what she has to say!

I haven't written one of these posts in a while, though I have meant to. There have been so many things going on in the world that I've wanted to write about, but haven't had the proper words on hand to deliver a deserving sentiment. But for weeks, I've been wanting to offer my gratitude to everyone in the Occupy movement, and all those in solidarity with them.

So, this week, I am dedicating this post to the 99%:

Thank you all for your courage, dedication and persistence. Thank you for being this movement. Thank you for being willing to face what is often intense opposition. When I read about you being pepper-sprayed or arrested, my heart aches and I feel indebted to you. I can add my name, my words, my steps on the pavement, but I have not been able to give of myself the way so many of you have, and I offer you my humble gratitude.

I thank all of you who have marched, camped, spoken, gathered, huddled together, resisted, danced, shielded one another from harm, and shook up every major city. I thank you for waking up our nation and holding those in power accountable.

Thank you for putting your other plans on hold, for putting yourselves on the line, and for all you have done to change not only the national (and global) dialogue, but to change policy, politics, economics, and the world as we know it.

May I Introduce to You...

2011-11-26T15:19:00.000-08:00

...Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band!

My friend requested these ages ago and I had lots of fun making them, though it's taken awhile to make things since our little man started walking. I finally finished them last month. It was such a thrill to finally have them off in the mail, though I kind of miss having them around the house. ;)

{this moment}

2011-11-25T13:53:00.000-08:00

Joining in with Soulemama and friends for...

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Here's to Food and Family

2011-11-23T14:46:00.000-08:00

Our Lantern Walk

2011-11-23T13:57:00.000-08:00

We went on our first lantern walk last Sunday, on the coldest night yet. We'd missed the lantern walk with Emma's school, as we were out of town, but her beautiful lantern was waiting for her when we came home. I'd helped make the first couple layers of papier mache one morning when Eli and I got to be the classroom guests for the day (it was pretty fun!) but I hadn't seen the finished lantern. When I picked Emma up from school and we took her lantern home, I kept turning it and looking at it - it's really beautiful. I just wish I could take better pictures of it!

Last weekend, prior to our walk, we successfully carried out Operation Winter Clothes. With the arrival of the winter frosts we realized that we still had some serious work to do getting our girl equipped for the cold months ahead. She'd outgrown much of her winter gear. Thankfully, we pulled in some great finds at the consignment stores, including these mittens, which Emma was so excited about that she insisted I take photos of them. :)

So, with our song sheet in our mittened hands, we set out for our walk after dinner. The night was clear and bristly-cold, and our street was dark. Emma held tight to my hand, and I realized how rarely we'd ever gone walking at night before. It felt so new. There was nobody out, the road was empty and quiet. I couldn't help but feel a thrill to be out in the dark November night, walking by candlelight, just for the beauty of it.

Emma held my hand so tightly and I wanted to reassure her, to let her know we were safe here, that the darkness concealed only the sleeping world, the familiar houses and trees and ferns. A song came to me, one I'd learned in elementary school music class. I can't remember who wrote it, but I used to sing it to myself as a little girl, and now I sang it as we made it to the top of the hill and headed for home :

"Firelight, firelight, fire light my way
Out of the darkness into the bright day.
High up in the sky,
flickering stars shine bright.
Here on the mountain, we watch through the night."

Oh, the Wind and Rain

2011-11-22T14:06:00.001-08:00

The winds of early winter rolled in off the water last night and tossed the last autumn leaves from the trees. The bigleaf maples and poplars stand bare today, their wiry branches pale against the dark clouds. We ran outside this morning to gather up the scattered things that had blown across our yard in the night - there were milk crates in odd places, the bean teepees were knocked down, the composter lid had been flung across the garden like a frisbee. With the leaves gone, I noticed how far we could see - as though the wind had opened new windows for us. Driving by the lake, I can see farther into the foothills, and standing at the top of my neighbor's driveway I can see all the way downtown.

This used to be the most difficult time of year for me - I struggled with the 4:00 dark, the heaviness of the clouds, the wet and the wind. For some reason, though, I have felt different these past few years, and this year I notice a surprising change. Perhaps it's having been away, but I feel a new sense of love for the blue-black hills, the wind-waving doug firs, the spongy wet ground. I feel like I'm waking up to the beauty that has always been present these dark winters, finally reaching out to embrace the evergreen wisdom of this season. It's bare and cold and beautiful outside, and I feel a new and different sense of joy right now, while Eli sleeps in my lap and I sit here by the window, listening to the wind.

Desert Days

2011-11-20T11:50:00.000-08:00

We're home now, back among the trees after our journey to the southwest. Our home feels so warm and inviting now that the frosts are here, and we are just steps away from winter now, but I feel as though the light is dancing on my coattails. I suppose the desert sun has left its impression in me.

The newness of all we saw and did is still fresh in my memory, and clusters of bright peppers hang in our winter kitchen. I still keep emptying red sand out of my pockets.

I feel so grateful to have been able to travel with the children, for the time we spent with Emma and Eli's grandparents, for all the colorful and kind souls we met, and for the ancient, sparse, open beauty of the lands we visited.

We visited a cliff dwelling site that had been inhabited for thousands of years. The paths along the cliffs had been worn into deep grooves by countless generations of foot traffic. It was a privilege to follow these steps with my children and their Dompa.

I think the memories of this day alone will light up my heart all winter!

*Wishing you a beautiful beginning to the holiday season*

And Here We Are...

2011-11-08T11:19:00.000-08:00

...in the desert! In the land of pinyon and juniper and sagebrush and sand. A land so different from our home, so fresh and new and beautiful, full of wind and sun. Eli has never seen so much red sand...

...so, of course, he gave it a taste test...hmmmm... ;)

More desert adventures coming soon - wishing you all a beautiful November!

Away We Go...

2011-11-07T17:41:00.001-08:00

At the airport...

It was Eli's first plane ride, and my first in a long time...

Here's to adventure! :)

{this moment}

2011-11-04T15:05:00.000-07:00

I always love participating in {this moment} and seeing the other moments folks are posting out there, along with Soulemama. It's time for...

...A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember...

~ All Hallows Eve ~

2011-10-31T18:46:00.000-07:00

It's Halloween night, and my dear girl is out trick-or-treating in her bunny costume while the little one nurses, and in between handing out treats to the visitors at our door, my thoughts are turning once again to the ancestors, who are traditionally honored at this time around the world.

Our town held a beautiful Day of the Dead celebration this weekend, and seeing the photos of loved ones and forebears among the flickering candles made me reflect more upon family and friends of mine who've passed away, and also those gone before me, who I never had a chance to meet.

The whirl of DNA that shows in my features blends the faces of those ancestors, whose lives eventually created my own. They came from so many places, those pinpoints across Northern Europe, and immigrant settlements in the New World. They were peat burners, cloudberry-eaters, cabin builders, singers, sock knitters, cow milkers, bear hunters, watchmakers, book binders, sailors, wanderers, laborers...in many cases, they were Survivors. Perhaps they all were. They lived through heavier times and greater losses than I've ever known. And as we heard toward winter in our gas-heated home, I think of the generations that lived in that pre-electric world of true nights, of unbroken darkness, of inescapable winters.

I'd like to honor them tonight, when the leaves are letting go and the cycles around us are coming to completion. I think of how my turn on this wheel is short, no longer and no different a turn than those allowed before, (though we'd often like to think otherwise,) and I find it strangely comforting to know this. The world can feel so chaotic, but there are things that go on unchangeable - there were many before, and there will be many after.

Someday I will be an ancestor.

My thanks and love to those gone before.

* * *

Who are your ancestors? Where do you come from? I'd love to know! :)

{this moment}

2011-10-28T09:23:00.000-07:00

Joining Soulemama for {this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Cold Morning Beauty

2011-10-27T10:42:00.000-07:00

The cold time is here - its presence is undeniable. I went outside to check the mail and feed the chickens and I'm still trying to squeeze the chill out of my fingertips. Eli is dressed like a little lamb, in wool from head to toe. I've lived here long enough to know what we're heading towards...

But before the rains take the reins and bring in the damp, dark days, the sun is making its final, gorgeous dance. It's stunningly beautiful here. It seems we've had more bright, clear days than usual, and the trees are just blazing with color. This week I have found myself driving down the road just gasping at the trees. The colors are so intense and electric, even on the misty days. They seem to glow with their own light.

I am trying to soak up all I can of these lit-up hours. While the darkness ahead doesn't scare me, I know how precious ths light is. It's held in limited supply here, and when it's making an appearance, I want to be present. Sometimes these rare things carry a kind of magic.

The other morning, the fog sat heavy after the clear night, and I knew the sun was waiting behind it. After dropping Emma off at school, I drove up the lake with Eli to our favorite trail. We walked to the shore and watched the fog lift. There was absolute silence and stillness, save Eli's little voice and the sound of his steps, and the ripple of the water. The clouds lifted in a whisper, as though revealing a secret.

On the trail, we met the man who lives in the old house beside the trailhead, and who owns the tiny dock on the north shore. He stopped to say hello while hefting a load of wood in his wheelbarrow. He was a really sweet guy, with a big bushy beard and kind eyes.

I asked him what it was like to live there, and he said with a smile, "Like living right in heaven."

He told me he'd lived in that house for over three decades, and caught his newborn son in the living room thirty years ago. He goes out on the dock every morning to sit with the quiet, and take a picture for his son, who lives in Hawaii now.

"I live in Heaven, and he lives in Paradise," he said. "It doesn't get better than that."

He shook my hand and left to chop wood for his sauna, and Eli and I walked on, and made our way back to the ordinary world with the sun all aglow in our eyes.

By the Nooksack River

2011-10-22T09:21:00.000-07:00

We stopped at perfect days
and got out of the car.

The wind glanced at her hair.

It was as simple as that.

I turned to say something--

- Richard Brautigan

(1935-1982)

Pumpkin Time

2011-10-21T16:07:00.001-07:00

{this moment}

2011-10-21T14:31:00.000-07:00

Joining with Soulemama, and so many other amazing bloggers, for {this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

North Star Dreaming

2011-10-17T19:37:00.000-07:00

I feel the evening coming quickly now, and the afternoon light leans heavy and rich in color, the sun's rays stretching at a lower slant through the fir trees.

The air was cold today, the day bright and clear, and the chill felt so bristly that I was surprised to see no frost. The sun was beautiful, but never fully warm, and the moon hung in the blue sky all morning.

We're journeying toward that longest night, stepping on forward into the quiet, the cold, the inward-ness. Away we go, again, and I feel no need to resist.

Recently, in this time of year, I have noticed a stirring in me, a longing to follow the season onward, northward. I fall asleep remembering the icy forests and frozen oceans in Alaska, or the winter-green northern lights I watched while flying over the pole to Scotland. I have dreams about the boreal forest that our winter birds have left behind, of beluga whales, and reindeer. I see photographs from Scandinavia and my heart gives a tug at my sleeve.

I'm never surprised at these feelings, as they seem natural enough, though they do puzzle me a bit - I do not much enjoy being cold - and I've found the long, dark winters or my own latitude difficult enough. But my response to the darkness is changing as I grow older, and I do find myself beginning to trust it more these past years.

What am I seeking...and where do I come from?

My ancestors came from a scattering of villages and cities in northern Europe. The homes they left so long ago are as foreign to me as any, and yet, I often wonder if something about these places resonates in me and my children. The names of the places, strung together, are like a series of irregular and mismatched beads plucked off the map to form a necklace. Aakirkeby, Kortesjarvi, Alaharma, Evijarvi, Jepua, Ruovesi, Engers, Oberwasungen, Kell, Trier, Zedersdorf, Kigg, Hampsthwaite, Galgate, Dolphinho, Monmountshire, Messenberg, Canton Berne, Koln...

When I think of how my forebears came here, I picture them blowing across the ocean like dandelion seeds, and somehow, by chance, landing in the same soil.

The feeling I get this time of year-the calling feeling that I can't really put to words - is it instinctual? Is it imagination? Perhaps I just want to escape, just a little. Perhaps I'm just seeking some peace and quietude, which I imagine waiting somewhere on the edge of the sun's waning grasp. Or is it some thread of old, original memory that pulls through me...?

{this moment}

2011-10-13T19:11:00.000-07:00

Thanks, Soulemama, for {this moment}

A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Squash Galore

2011-10-12T16:38:00.000-07:00

...I love this time of year!

Afternoon Hike

2011-10-11T16:22:00.001-07:00

Our new favorite hike...

...so glad for these hours of bright sunshine by the lake. Can't wait to go back and see how the colors are changing...

Gratitude * Sunday

2011-10-09T19:10:00.001-07:00

Joining in with Taryn of Wooly Moss Roots for Gratitude * Sunday...

{Sunday's heartfelt tradition. A time to slow down, to reflect, to be grateful. A list of gratitudes.}
*

It's been a great week. We're settling into the season and all that comes with it - Emma in preschool three mornings a week, nights coming earlier, soups for dinner, vegetable harvests, pruning berry bushes, rainy days...this is a wonderful time of year here, and It feels like we're finding equilibrium, coming into balance.

I'm giving thanks for the beautiful produce folks have shared with us this week~

* A pile of free crookneck squashes, cucumbers, and zuchinni given on the roadside by a gardener out in the county. ("Are your vegetables for sale?" I asked. "They're free!" She said.)
* An armload of sweet corn from a friend
* A big bag of wild apples we harvested on the side of the road (thanks, tree!)
* Handfulls of Cherokee Trail of Tears beans
* Two perfect, delectable Orcas Pears...

I give thanks also for the changes this week brought us - Eli has really been transforming before my eyes lately, and this week he started clapping whenever we clap, or if he hears clapping. If a record is playing and the audience starts applauding, he claps right along! He also took a big step this week (literally) and started walking.
He took his first steps Tuesday evening, while I was on the phone with Daddy as he was leaving work. Eli was standing by the wall, holding onto it, and then he just let go...and stepped across the floor, a huge grin on his little face.

It felt like witnessing a miracle. I've known he'd do it eventually, but it's really an amazing feeling to see your child take their first steps. He's been practicing all week, and now he's tottering all over the house and the yard on those tiny legs.

I'm getting used to it already, but Emma is still excited every time he takes a step. "Ee-wi's WAWKING, Mama! He's WAWKING!" It's sweet to see her so proud of him, too.

Emma's been changing, too, her language becoming more intricate, her play more and more involved, her little songs about her life and her world always piping up from where she's walking.

She sings to herself much of her free time, and seems to sing about whatever she is imagining or creating, as well as what she did that day or what she wants to do. I love listening to her. She's also started reciting verses from school to herself, or singing little bits of songs she learned at school. I'm really thankful that she loves preschool so much, and that we are able to send her there and be part of that little community.

I'm feeling really thankful, too, for just all the stuff we got done lately. Loose ends have been tied - what a great feeling! Lingering craft projects completed, holes patched up, dolls repaired, friends caught up with...ahhhh.... :)

We moved the raspberry canes and the dogwood tree and the saskatoon, and painted the greenhouse and the earth oven's shelter, and dropped off our collection of veggie grease at the Veggie Oil Co-op, and planted our garlic in the raised bed.

We took a rainy day drive out to the country and bought our kaus-kaus roots (also known as Osha) for the winter. One root apiece should last the whole season, and it feels good to have them on hand now.

And I'm grateful to have done some serious organizing this week - it's something I'm pretty good at, because I've got a bit of OCD tendencies, but I also tend to get really irritable and overwhelmed when stuff isn't organized...because I have a bit of OCD tendencies! ;) So, I organized a bunch of stuff this week - including the dreaded snakepits that were my kids' sock drawers. And the storage space in our bedroom. And my craft drawers...and my herbs...and the car...(yeah, I was pretty tired afterwards.) We still have a lot of organizing to do, but I feel like our spaces are sending out some happy breaths of fresh air now, and it's so much easier to find things. Especially those little socks. :)

Speaking of socks...! There were some stellar thrift store finds this week, too...oh, man, I was stoked. I found a bunch of pairs of Smartwool baby socks (which normally cost a fortune) for a dollar a piece, and a couple pairs of grown-up Smartwools, too, and some beautiful hand-knit wool socks, at our favorite consignment store. I was so excited! With the chilly damp weather we are in need of wooly socks, and finding them felt pretty serendipitous! One of these days I need to learn to knit our own socks, but in the meantime I'm excited to have these...

Also, to the sun, for shining this weekend...to the trail by the lake where we went walking...to the poplars, for all their beautiful golden leaves...to the wild apple trees on the road, for the fruit you let us gather...to the wind, for blowing in the autumn...

...thank you!!!

{this moment}

2011-10-06T20:03:00.000-07:00

Apple Elves

2011-10-06T19:39:00.000-07:00

OK...first fairies, now elves! ;)

When I was requested to make some 'apple elves' for Emma's classroom, I said, "sure, I'll make some!" And then realized I really wasn't sure what elves are supposed to look like. I know this sounds silly coming from someone who supplements the family income by making little fairies and gnomes out of wool!

But...seriously...when you think 'elf,' what exactly comes to mind?

For me, it is a series of bizarrely conflicing images:

*First, there's the Keebler Elves.

(Which sort of look like gnomes, only without beards?)

*Then, Dobby from Harry Potter.

*Then, Legolas from Lord of the Rings. (MUCH better looking than Dobby!)

*Then...Will Farrel in tights.

(!!!)

Oh, dear.

So, you see my dilemma.

I asked my friend what she thought elves should look like. She said she thought they pretty much looked like gnomes. Except with pointy ears. And no beards. So, a bit like the Keebler elves after all. Except Waldorfy. And wooly.

I ended up with these.

I guess I'm adding my own little contribution to the many possible forms an elf might take. What do you think an elf looks like?

;)

Fire Fairies

2011-10-06T19:18:00.000-07:00

Fire fairies, fire fairies,

show us your light!

Around us, inside us,

May it shine SO bright!

* * *

Emma and her friends say this verse every day at school as their teacher lights the candle on the table. Now Emma says it at dinner, too. I thought it was so sweet... :)

Mr. Squirrel

2011-10-04T11:50:00.000-07:00

Emma's teacher requested a squirrel, and I made this little guy. I keep feeling like he's missing something, but I'm not sure what. I hope he looks enough like a squirrel! I realize I see them all the time, but rarely up close, so hopefully he'll do. :)

Meanwhile, my own little squirrel (named Eli) found some acorns at the park today and tried to stuff his cheeks with them ;)

Welcoming the Salmon

2011-10-03T09:20:00.000-07:00

It's been a big week for us. We spent Friday getting ready for the big Michaelmas pageant and harvest potluck at the 'big' school up the road, and a lot of time sniffling, grumbling, bundling, tying up loose ends, teething, chasing chickens, and eating lots of food to keep up with the chilly weather. And then, after the festival on Friday, the weekend took some unexpected and beautiful turns. I can't discuss it all here, but it really has been an amazing few days. The spirit of the autumn has arrived, and things are changing so rapidly around us and within us, and I am trying to open myself to that change. I feel very grateful to my friends here, and to the community we live in, and for the healing that takes place in our lives.

These past few weeks, bigleaf maples have begun dropping leaves, the purple asters (or 'Michelmas Daisies') are blooming along the roadside, the rains and heavy winds have blown in, and we're finishing up the projects that need to be completed before winter. And, every day, I am aware of what is happening in the streams and rivers around us. It is the spawning season of our Pacific salmon.

They have begun to come home, and this fall has been our first time to welcome them back together as a family. Last weekend, Eli saw his first wild salmon.

We stood on the bridge over our creek where a group had begun gathering, people of all ages scanning the water and excitedly pointing out the flick of a tail or a cluster of fish beneath a waterfall. There were all sorts of people standing by the creek, everyone watching, everyone honestly fascinated, eyes focused on the rushing water.

All at once, someone would shout, "There! Look!" And we'd all follow to where they were pointing, to see a group swimming just beneath us, or a giant male weaving ahead with his fins slicing the surface.

I tried my best to get pictures of the salmon, but it was nearly impossible, as I was standing too far from the water, and the swift current veiled them again and again. These few snapshots are as close as I could come, and I suppose that's alright. These creatures are not meant to stay in one place for long...

I had difficulty telling what species I was seeing, as both the fish and the water were moving so quickly. We would stand staring at the waterfall, and suddenly in a quick burst, a silvery-dark shape would come leaping out of the rapids, and fly headlong into the foamy water, and we wouldn't see it again. Every time I saw a salmon leaping up those falls, my heart leapt in my chest.

All five species of Pacific salmon call our waters home. There are humpbacked Pinks and deep red Sockeye swimming upstream in September, and with October come the fall Chinook, Coho, and Chum. The creek nearest to us is home of one of the strongest Chum salmon fisheries in our region, and along the creek, near the bay, there are fishermen and women lined up and waiting for a catch.

It is a time of both celebration and grief - I am so thankful for every fish that returns this fall, and yet it's impossible to hide from the fact that there should be millions of salmon completing this cycle each year. For some, like the chinook, the future is uncertain at best - our rivers have seen less than a hundred adults return these last few years.

When I consider that we have nearly obliterated these essential, life-sustaining fish from our waters, every single wild salmon that comes home feels like a mysterious victory, as well as a reminder of what we stand to lose. The tenacity of the salmon, the fierce and selfless drive that carries them through the hundreds of miles of ocean and river to bear their young, is the beating heart of our watershed, and they are calling us to join them in their cause.

Returning...

2011-09-29T19:02:00.001-07:00

Hello again!

Well, I guess I couldn't stay away too long...it felt good to have a bit of a break this week and catch up on things that needed doing, and I am more aware of my need to manage my time online better (and not get 'sucked in' to the infinite internet!), but I also realized how much I love being able to write on here. It brings something unique and special to my soul, being able to reflect on these moments of our life, these shapshots of the world we live in, to honor the cycles of nature and our place within it.

So, I'll be posting again soon. I've already been writing it in my head...the salmon are returning and we just saw them coming up the river, and I can't wait to write more about it...

...But first, dinner!

(And it's delicata squash...it can't wait!)

~ To Autumn ~

2011-09-21T16:48:00.000-07:00

O Autumn, laden with fruit, and stain'd
With the blood of the grape, pass not, but sit
Beneath my shady roof; there thou may'st rest,
And tune thy jolly voice to my fresh pipe,
And all the daughters of the year shall dance!
Sing now the lusty song of fruits and flowers.

'The narrow bud opens her beauties to
The sun, and love runs in her thrilling veins;
Blossoms hang round the brows of Morning, and
Flourish down the bright cheek of modest Eve,
Till clust'ring Summer breaks forth into singing,
And feather'd clouds strew flowers round her head.

'The spirits of the air live in the smells
Of fruit; and Joy, with pinions light, roves round
The gardens, or sits singing in the trees.'
Thus sang the jolly Autumn as he sat,
Then rose, girded himself, and o'er the bleak
Hills fled from our sight; but left his golden load.

~ William Blake

Dear friends and family ~ With the arrival of the equinox, I will be taking a temporary break from this space. The drawing-in activities and 'exhaling' qualities of autumn seems to require me to take a deep breath, close the laptop, hug my kids, look up, and look within.

I wish so many blessings for all of you during this ripe and beautiful time of year.

Much love to all of you.

Madonna of the Corn Fields

2011-09-19T20:58:00.000-07:00

* I love this photograph (artist and subjects unknown), and just had to share it. You can see more historic breastfeeding photos here...*

Gratitude * Sunday

2011-09-18T17:24:00.000-07:00

I join once more with Taryn of Wooly Moss Roots, and many others,

to participate in Gratitude * Sunday...

{Sunday's heartfelt tradition. A time to slow down, to reflect, to be grateful. A list of gratitudes.}

~ * ~

Tonight, a soft rain is falling here in the hills and the garden and the woods are damp and misty. The summer is officially past, and the rainclouds have returned. I offer my thanks for the water that falls in our region so freely, that pours itself out so fully and gives so much life to all that grows here.

I am grateful for the streams and rivers here, and the salmon they support. I feel so lucky to be from this part of the world known as Salmon Nation and to raise children who love to eat salmon! I offer my gratitude for every salmon that returns to spawn this year.

I thank our lake, for providing the water we drink and bathe in each day, for the water in our laundry and our soup pot.

I know that the lake has been under serious pressure in recent years and faced water quality issues around phosphorus and contaminants. Whenever I sit by the lake I am reminded that it is very good at being a lake and doing what it does - it needs little more than to be left alone. We have not been so good at leaving it alone here in our county. There are still parts of the lake so quiet and still, surrounded by forest, and the water there is so clear. But just around the corner, you can see all the houses built right up to the water's edge, the motorboats speeding across the suface. Some days I am so frustrated, but I know that I still have water to drink, and in abundance unparalleled in many parts of the world. To our lake and our watershed, I am grateful.

I thank the lake for it's quiet presence, for its depth and stillness, for all it can teach us about the basic and essential responsibility we have to our place.

I am grateful for the spaces here that allow us to walk, to think, to pick blackberries, to have a picnic, to feel our hearts beating, to breathe.

...and I am thankful for rainy days. :)

{this moment}

2011-09-16T12:35:00.001-07:00

Thanks, Soulemama, for {this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Standing

2011-09-15T21:42:00.000-07:00

There she goes...

2011-09-15T14:45:00.000-07:00

My baby girl is officially a preschooler now.

*sob!*

We are experiencing our first quiet mornings without her, and she is enjoying the feeling of having an experience that is all her own.

Here are a few pictures I took as we waited outside the gate on her first day ~

So excited, and bashful, and so proud, all at once.

Patrick, one of the dads, opened the gate for us, and we all went down the hill...

...and brought them into that warm little world.

I said goodbye, and I am not even sure she heard me. She was already busy coloring, and I quietly left with her brother, and that bittersweet blend of emotions.

It's all so new!

I ask her so many questions the first couple days after picking her up. She ran to me with a big grin, and I was so interested and excited - "Emma, how was school? What did you do? Who did you play with?" etc.

She got tired of answering, until she finally said, "Mom, stop talking!" ;)

I realize that this is special for her, and she doesn't need to talk too much about it yet. So I'll let her take the lead on this...still, it's hard to not ask her all about it - it's the longest she's ever been away, and I'm so curious!

I suppose I'll have to be patient. ;) After all, I'm always asking her to be!

Take care everyone ~ hope the new school year is going well...

Gratitude * Sunday

2011-09-11T13:58:00.000-07:00

Today, I'm joining with Taryn of Wooly Moss Roots for Gratitude Sunday ~

{Sunday's heartfelt tradition. A time to slow down, to reflect, to be grateful. A list of gratitudes.}

* * *

It's another clear, bright, hot day here ~ we worked in the garden until we were sun-baked and sweaty. I am grateful for the sun's steady appearance these past weeks, after a grey and cold winter and spring, and a slow start to the summer. My zuchinni and calendula have been grateful as well, as have the new beans we planted in August.

I give thanks for our chickens, who have been busy picking pesty bugs out of our garden and adding a bit of fertilizer as well. :) And I am thankful for the eggs they have been laying these past weeks, supplying us with endless omelettes and quiches and scrambles, as well as gifts to friends and neighbors. I would also like to thank them for being such kid and relaxed chickens, and allowing my kids to give them cuddles and pats!

I give a shoutout to my awesome husband, who built our greenhouse, and put together a sweet little door and latch last week to keep the chickens out and the warmth in. The tomatoes are very happy and so am I!

I give big thanks today for my Dad, who turned 56 yesterday - as well as for his job, and for what he is able to do for others... He is teaching at a maximum security prison in New Mexico, and is offering help and hope and humanity to men who have not seen the outside world in years. The guys he works with are so grateful for his presence, and often tell him how much they appreciate his guidance as they prepare to re-enter society. My Dad is a man who needs to feel he is making a difference in others lives, and for the time he was unemployed, he struggled to find his place and feel effective. I believe he is doing such a good service to human beings and I am so proud of him.

* Also, from my heart, I would like to extend my gratitude to all the creatures living around us who keep the balance of life. I think about them every day, and I do my best to do right by them, though I know I come up far short.

I give thanks to all the critters of the soil and the waterways, forest, mountain, field, and desert ~ to the hard-shelled scuttling beach-dwellers, to all the bats and birds and unseen amphibians, and to the warm-blooded furry creatures.

We need them all, our world needs them all. It breaks my heart to hear of how many are leaving us. I thank these neighbors, big and small, for what they do, and I thank those who work tirelessly and write with strength and conviction on their behalf. I give thanks for E.O. Wilson, Derrick Jensen, Jack Turner, Kathleen Dean Moore, Lierre Keith, Starhawk, Terry Tempest Williams, David Suzuki, Ellen Meloy, John Muir, Ed Abbey, and so many others.

* * *

Wishing you all a beautiful week, wherever your feet are planted on this earth.

* Love, me *

Green Bean Season

2011-09-08T15:10:00.000-07:00

Look at all those green beans!

We picked them at the farm on Monday. I have to tell you - Emma picked one of these boxes almost entirely on her own. She is a very motivated little picker! I was pretty impressed. The beans are a bit past their prime, but still tasty and crunchy and snappy. They are a very unique variety that has really, really long pods. That made them even more fun to pick for Emma, I think!

We got a good deal on them, and have been eating lots of them!

I tried canning some in the pressure canner, but it did not go terribly well. It was late at night, I was tired, and the pressure got a bit too high. Then I tried to bring it down and it went too low, and I had to start over. They all sealed fine, but every can lost water during processing and now we're just going to have to eat them. *shucks* Oh well, at least we have a lot more green beans where those came from!

Got any good recipes for green beans? ;)

{this moment}

2011-09-08T15:07:00.000-07:00

Joining wonderful Soulemama once more for {this moment}

A friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Septembering

2011-09-06T19:20:00.000-07:00

The tansy is in full bloom everywhere we look. The roadsides and vacant fields are all green and gold with velvety-buttoned tansy, and sprays of Queen Anne's lace. I pulled over last week to pick some plants for dye, and they are still drying in the trunk of the car. A month ago I would have forgotten them immediately, with all that was going on in the whirr of summer. But life is slowing down now, turning us inward again, and I do think I'll be putting the colors of the tansy on some fresh silks before the season's over.

This weekend heralded the full arrival of fall. We found our first scarlet leaves in the park, donned sweaters in the morning, and started gathering autumn vegetables.

The gathering-in has begun. We pulled the last of our summer carrots, and picked more veggies from a local farmer's garden - he'd grown much more than he could eat, and was selling his pesticide-free produce for cheap. Emma and I followed him into his field and picked until our boxes were full. We brought home nearly ten pounds of beans, thirteen pounds of potatoes, five pounds of beets, and twelve ears of corn. The vegetables are so beautiful, just looking at them makes me happy.

At home, our garden is beginning to wane as the last of the beets, carrots, fennel, and potatoes as dug and put away. The chickens are feasting on the bugs and critters in the dirt and stirring the soil loose again. The compost pile is heaped with what we can't eat - rhubarb leaves and apple cores and eggshells - all that waits to go back to the earth.

Yes, it feels like fall now. But the sun is still with us in its strength - in fact, for much of the day it's downright toasty. The days have been filled with clear skies and bright sunshine, and every afternoon eventually grows warm enough for tank tops, or for swimming in the lake.

Then, the evenings arrive just a bit earlier than we're used to, and carry just enough of that clean mountain air to bring us back into sweaters again.

I love autumn here - and September may just be my favorite part. It's hard to pick favorites, but it seems that every year we see such beautiful days in September. Something about the slant of the light, and the softness of the air, and the colors of the woods, the grasses, and the sky. We are moving towards the equinox, the second balance point of the year, and there is a feeling of quiet arrival.

Here we are, again.

September is when our community puts extra focus on its farms, with farm tours and fruit festivals, corn mazes and wagon rides, pumpkin patches and packed farmers markets. There are farm events going on all the time now, and I'm reminded of the early autumn days when I was working behind a farmer's market booth or preparing for the breeding season at the goat dairy. Those days are not that far behind me, and the meaning of autumn has changed and deepened for me since I initiated my journey into the agricultural life.

I may not be a full-fledged farm worker any more, but I've been tuned to play in the keys of the soil and the seasons, and regardless of how far I am from a barn or a hay bale, I can't help but find myself humming along with what's going on around me.

* * *

Back in spring, our family went to a wool bazaar, and met so many amazing fiber producers and artisans. I was especially struck by the gorgeous Icelandic sheepskins that a woman named Brigget had for sale. There was one especially beautiful pelt with cinnamon-silver wool that I just blew me away.

Brigget held my baby while I looked at the beautiful wool, and told me of her time in Iceland, and how all the children there slept on sheepskins such as these.
I'd long wanted one for Eli to sleep on, and now, I was totally sold on the idea. But it was a bit out of our price range...so we waited...and when Eli's birthday came around, we asked for birthday money to put towards this goal.

And this Saturday, we finally drove out to the farm to see what Brigget had for sale.

Brigget runs the whole place almost all on her own. Her children are grown, and she is able to put her energy and her heart into the farming life. She smiled radiantly as she showed us around her land and introduced us to her animals. I kept thinking, "this is what I want to be when I grow up."

The whole farm was amazing - the kind of place every child pictures when they imagine a farm. rustic, soulful old buildings, a sweet-smelling barn, gardens of vegetables and flowers...

...and every kind of farm animal was there - sheep (of course), goats, pigs, chickens, a draft horse, a gentle-eyed Jersey cow...

...and her sweet little calf, too. She let us give her some pats, and licked my hand with her rough tongue. *swoon*

There was another flower garden by the old house, just overflowing with dahlias and cosmos.

And then there were the sheepskins - there were three to choose from, but this was the one that struck my attention all those months before. I couldn't believe she still had it - she had already sold out of most of this year's skins.

It came from Brigget's well-loved sheep who had passed on; her name had been Hulda. She patted it gently as she carried it out, folded over her arm. "This was my Hulda," she said.

What can I say? We knew it was the right one.

We let Eli try it out. It was just right!

When we told her we were buying Hulda's pelt, she smiled a huge smile - and then she took me into the kitchen to send us home with a wedge of homemade butter. The butter looked so deeply golden from the rich pasture grasses, it was like a treasure beneath the waxed paper wrapper. My heart felt so full.

We put the sheepskin between the kids' carseats for the ride home.

The effect of all that soft wool was almost instant...

Eli is sleeping on the sheepskin now as I write this. I can hear his soft, full breaths rising from the end of the short, dimly lit hallway.

I am so thankful for this land and all that grows upon it, all it provides for us, and for those who put their hearts into it. Thank you, Brigget, thank you, Hulda.

Welcome, Autumn.

{this moment}

2011-09-02T12:36:00.001-07:00

Joining Soulemama's Friday ritual. A single photo - (almost) no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

(And, yes, that is the chicken!)

Reflections on Okanagan Days

2011-08-31T20:56:00.000-07:00

...and now for something completely different...

The photos in this post were taken by my sister-in-law, Corrina. I think they are amazing and had to share them!

It's been two months since we went to the site of my husband's childhood home in the Okanagans, and I have been meaning to share a bit more about it since. It was a really special trip, not only because of the beauty of the place, but also because of the new possibilities springing forth from the (literal) ashes of what was once there.

The cabin that my in-laws raised their young children in burned to the ground while my husband and I were in college. His family had since moved and kept the place as a vacation home, so thankfully nobody was living there at the time, but it was quite a loss. A forest fire caused by an illegal burn barrel wreaked havoc in the dry Okanagan hills. Not only the house was gone, but the land around it was completely scorched - when we went to visit it shortly after the fire, it looked like the landscape of the moon. The ground was grey, and when I stepped out of the car I discovered it was nothing but ash, and I sank in ash up to my knees. The trees were black matchsticks, and everything was dead, dead, dead. We had to camp somewhere else, and didn't go back for a long time.

But we did return the next year, and the next, and every time, were surprised by how quickly life was reestablishing itself, in fact, flourishing in the wake of the fire. Uninhabited, undisturbed, fertilized by the ash, the land had become a wildlife sanctuary. The last time we visited, I spent the dawn hours just sitting outside the tent watching the countless songbirds flying to their newly built nests in the dead trees. The sky was so full of crisscrossing birdsongs that it was almost dizzying. I wanted to return again, I dreamed of someday, somehow living there, in the middle of nowhere in a house surrounded by nothing but wildflowers and singing birds. But time passed, life changed, and the flowers grew where the dirt road had once been.

When we drove down that road this June, with the kids' Auntie Corrina and Uncle Joseph, it had been seven years since my husband or I had been to the property, and over a decade since his sister had seen it. She had not returned since the fire.

The road was so overgrown with flowers and shrubs that we had to drive headlong into them. Nobody had driven it in such a long time, the plants had completely claimed is as their own. It made for pretty crazy driving!

We were all busting into nervous laughter as the car bounded and bumped over the rocks and long fronds of alfalfa and vetch and lupine whipped against the windows. The windshield was whacked with huge, high mustard stems, and yellow petals were flying everywhere, the kids squealing with glee as the car squeaked down that weedy and wild road.

It was difficult to tell when we had finally reached the land, because it had become once again like all the land around it. We drove until we recognized the landmarks, and then until we couldn't get any farther. We parked the car in the middle of a giant vetch and sqeezed our way out.

It was quiet. The dust was settling around the cars, and the plants we had driven over were already beginning to straighten themselves. The wind was gentle and warm, and a rain squall was quietly moving towards the hills just north of us. There were flowers everywhere.

It was magical.

We were there during the weekend just following the Summer Solstice, and arrived on St. John's Eve, the day of the Finnish festival of Juhannus. It seemed a fitting time to be out on the land, amidst the flowers and bees, birds and nature spirits and the open, ever-changing sky. I'd had a bit of a cold the day we left, and it vanished by the time we arrived. Everything, from my breathing to my mind, was opening up.

We spent that evening Finnish-style, with a fire in the (very well-contained) fire-pit by the old well. The kids played in the rocks and weeds, and grownups shared summer beers and cooked potatoes on the coals.

We spent a few long days taking in that air, exploring the land, harvesting elderflowers, yarrow, and sage, wringing out the last of the soggy Pacific Northwest spring that clung to us, and moving ourselves into summer's warmth.

Now that Summer is nearing its end, I want to turn East this morning and give thanks for these moments that I will carry with me into the coming season.

Corrina and Joseph were as struck as I was by the airy, open, enlivening spirit of the land. They had been kicking around the idea of possibly moving there, but after we arrived this time, they really got serious about it. They came back in a matter of weeks and started clearing out weeds and cleaning up the old foundation, and are busily designing the home they are going to build there.

The land is waiting for them.

And I can't wait to return.

You Rock

2011-08-31T20:36:00.000-07:00

OK, I can't thank you all enough...for all of your warm and insightful responses to my last post...and for all of you who were laughing along with me at the ridiculousness of it all! I feel so grateful for this extended community - and for knowing that there are other mothers and care providers out there who are facing similar challenges (as well as joys), who are willing to look deeper at those underlying issues, and also find humor where it's hiding.

*Many Thanks*

* * *

Today, I Totally Freaked Out.

2011-08-29T21:23:00.000-07:00

It happens.

There are those days, as parents, when we just kind of lose it.

I say 'we' because I am assuming/hoping that I'm not alone here.

One of the problems with blogging, (and maybe this isn't really a problem...)
is that we mostly see the best of each other's lives - the things we feel good about - and, if you don't look deeper than that, it makes it easy to misjudge reality.

But there is a reason we don't post pictures of our kids throwing screaming fits, or of the poo on the floor, or of ourselves wringing diapers out in the toilet. We are living more than this, we are looking for more. We might talk about issues we are having here or there, or reflect on the days where it all fell apart with some hindsight and a recently-stretched sense of humor, but generally this is a sacred space for calling attention to small beauty, small victories, moments of joy, and the times it all comes together.

I often focus on what I want to and need to remember. Sometimes I think that if I didn't focus on these moments, they might get lost in the shuffle, in the piles of laundry.

So, this space, at least for me, is generally separate from the mundane or disagreeable parts of parenting. Anyone who is a mother knows about these things, we don't need to fill pages talking about them - I'd much rather reflect on the less tangible parts of my parenting life, seek out the gems that affirm my chosen path, and feed my soul at the end of the day.

But, tonight...geez...I'm just worn out. It was a heck of a day. I can almost laught about it now, but not quite yet - I'm still catching up.

And I realize that I need to write about where I was out today, because I know it's going to help me to laugh about it all - but also because I realize that if I don't write about days like this here or there, I'm being dishonest. The bad days are a part of my life, they are part of what makes me the mother I am and a part of family life that, while uncomfortable, doesn't need to be ignored. The rough days could use as much reflection - if not more - than the awesome days. I think they are the days I learn the most from, after all.

So...

It wasn't any one thing that tipped the scales today - just a series of little, aggravating and downright maddening occasions lumped end over end on top of each other until I was practically hyperventilating...and at some points, I was. I actually forced myself to deep breathe on numerous occasions today. And I yelled in frustration. Numerous times.

*OK, side note here.

It's hard to admit things like this when you are in attachment parenting/crafty/natural parenting/'conscious' parenting circles because some would expect us all to be eternally sing-song-voiced, ever-nurturing earth mamas who can diffuse all tension with the wave of a hand or a nurse from the breast. It's about gentle, gentle, gentle, right? Invoking the inner archetypal Madonna. And that's great, but I feel like sometimes it gets taken too far, to where we expect ourselves to be able to put out more than we are actually capable of giving. To carry our babies every moment. To never let them cry. To nurse at every demand, without fail. And all the while, to be making gorgeous crafts, keeping a clean house, and cooking wholesome, organic meals, and taking really cool pictures of it all. I can joke about this, but I know there is still this nagging pressure to be all of this and more. And it's not really healthy. I realized at some point that I was trying so hard to be a 'natural' mother, but 'natural' had become equated with 'perfect,' and perfect doesn't actaully exist. If I nursed at every demand, I would have not been able to pee for eight months!

I feel like expectations for mothers can be put on an unreachable pedestal that can leads to feelings of constant nagging guilt, and in this culture it can be even more intense. I know some folks might get angry with me for saying this, but I don't think there has been enough discussion in 'natural' parenting books and magazines about how we mothers can realistically meet our own needs while effectively meeting the needs of our children. We live in isolated nuclear families where much pressure and responsibility can fall upon the primary caregiver. And it's really likely that even the best-intended of us get pushed past the breaking point. Maybe it doesn't happen to all of us. But I know it happens to me. *

So, no sing-song here tonight...I feel like after today my inner voice sounds tired and grizzled, less like a fairy godmother and more like Tom Waits. So, I am going to spend the next few paragraphs ranting about everything that happened today so that I can get it off my chest. I hope you don't mind! I think if I start typing I will release whatever tension is left in me about it all, and start to see the humor in it and be able to let it go...

SO.

...honestly, it took me an hour after getting out of bed to even get a drink of water. I was so thirtsy, and all I could think about was getting to the sink for some water, and I couldn't even get there. Diapers were exploding, toes were being stubbed, laundry was everywhere, food was dropped and squished, tears were burst into left and right, and everyone was so hungry.

I got the water. I made food. But every time I finally got some food made for myself, it was nabbed off my plate by a little hand before I could even eat it! This happened three times this morning, seriously.

I feed my kids, I really do. I put plenty of food in on their plates! But for some reason they always want what's on my plate. And because I have intense food allergies, I can only eat what's on my plate, or face feeling like *crap* for the next couple days. Of course, I can't tell a one-year-old about this. I wouldn't dare try to explain to a three-year-old why Mama eats special food - she's already picky enough. And I am not sure how to react to the food swiping. I tell them not to take my food, and for the most part Emma understands, but Eli doesn't...he just wants my food, and if he sees me with food, he forgets about his and starts screaming. If I am holding him, he will grab as much as he can off of my plate before I can even stop him.

For this reason, I started eating alone in the kitchen just so that I could have a full meal and not go totally nuts! But I started feeling like I was doing my kids a disservice by not eating as a family. I see families who lit candles and say verses and hold hands around the table, and I feel like such a schmuck for hiding out in the corner with my plate, scarfing it before the kids can eat it. You hear about rhythm, routine, ritual, all the beautiful things that other families do...and what kind of rhythm did I have? Ummmm, 8:30am, Mom gives us toast and fruit and runs away and hides!

So we have been eating together - holding hands, saying a lovely blessing (which Emma loves) - the whole bit. It's nice. Except the immediate demands for what is on my plate. Even if I made them the exact same thing. Does this happen to anybody else?!

Today, I was too tired to argue, I just caved. I broke them off pieces of my toast. I thought I'd had enough to eat, and jumped up to get the chores done...and then about half an hour later, the blood sugar crash hit. So I made another attempt at some toast and almond butter, sat down with it...and the vultures came in again!!!

"Mama, I want toast! Can I have some of your toast? Can I sit on your lap and share? Just one bite?" And Eli looking at me with pleading eyes, wailing and grabbing the air for my toast. And I'm thinking, didn't I just feed you!? I'm starving!!! Aaagh!

That went on all day...

And Oh, God, what a day it was...what else was there?

*There was poo on the floor, twice...(and on his legs, and the rug...you get the drift)

*Then pee in my new shoe as I was cleaning that up...

*There was Emma beating my newly blossoming Crocosmias with a stick in the front yard because she thought it was funny, three times.

*There was the moment where I tried to burn off some adrenaline by pruning back the bushes out front, and pruned my hand instead.

*There was the half hour phone wait to speak to a human about re-enrolling in the state health insurance, followed by them informing me that, now that I had called them as requested, I would now be expected to drop everything and sit and wait by the phone for two hours, with a collection of assembled documents on hand, for someone from their office to call me back. At some point within the next two hours. Sure, you had plans to go to town and get those groceries you needed, oh well, time to hang out in the spot with good reception with a year's worth of pay stubs! Can't tell you when they are going to call. But most likely while you are suddenly changing your kids' diaper...

*There was that point during those two hours when I got so frustrated that I started banging the broom against the ground outside and yelling, and the neighbor saw. *sigh* (At least I wasn't hitting the crocosmias!) ;)

*Oh, yeah, and then there were cement mixers, pavers, sanders, jackhammers, lots and lots of beeping, and what sounded like small explosions on three sides of my house all day, from the moment I woke up. It's been going on for a month now as they repave the roads near our house and add sidewalks and bike lanes, but this morning, GOD - it was the worst of them all. My whole house was vibrating. And the noise wasn't especially loud, but just this constant, torturous drone that was slowly shattering our nerves. I think it's why the chickens have been acting so strange...

for instance...

*There was my wayward chicken flapping into the neighbor's yard repeatedly, insistantly (despite the three german shepherds and a pit bull they own) and digging into their potted yucca plant to lay its egg. I had my neighbor knocking on my door about it this morning with a handfull of eggs as proof. *Cringe*

*And then there's the chicken we are watching for a friend (repeat - not our chicken) who has taken to announcing the fact that she is having a total chicken nervous breakdown to the whole neighborhood at six a.m. every day. Screaming at the top of her lungs, like her tailfeathers are on fire, going totally postal. At least, that's what it sounds like. It wakes us all up, and lord only knows who else. Good heavens.

**OK, another side note:

As I am writing this, I'm busting up laughing!**

*Phew*

I suppose that's a mission accomplished. Sense of humor revived, thanks to the blogosphere's mysterious transmuting powers.

***

I think I can go to bed now. And I guess I should. After all, that chicken's nervous breakdown is set to start again in approximately seven hours.

Goodnight, everybody. Thanks for listening. Hope tomorrow is a better day.

;)

(One last note - please know that this is in no way meant to be critical of any parent, mother, or caregiver, or the way they parent. I am critical of the culture that isolates us and sometimes leaves us hanging, and the pressure, wherever it comes from, that I (we?) sometimes feel to be superhuman. And, more than anything, this post is about my personal struggle, which, I am learning, is not so different from the struggles of other mamas out there. Hats off to all of you who keep the home fires burnin,' no exceptions. )

{this moment}

2011-08-26T10:43:00.000-07:00

Joining Soulemama's tradition with {this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

The Versatile Blogger

2011-08-24T17:30:00.000-07:00

Big 'thank you's to the wonderful Little Dotty Bird and Soul Soup Sister, who nominated me for the Versatile Blogger Award. I'm so honored, ladies! So much love to you.

The rules with this award are as follows~
• Thank the person who gave you the award & link back to them in your post.
• Share 7 things about yourself
• Pass this award along to 10 recently discovered blogs.

OK, so...seven things about me...this took me a minute! So here goes:

1. My occupation on my most recent tax forms was listed as 'goat herder.'

2. I don't use shampoo and haven't for over two years! (And my hair looks pretty normal...really.) ;)

3. One summer, I lived in a teepee.

4. I play the guitar and the violin - or I did, before I had kids! I should play them again sometime.

5. I really, really love the Harry Potter books and films!

6. I have a blotchy pink birthmark at the nape of my neck and both my kids do, too.

7. When I was a kid, my imaginary friend was Vincent Van Gogh. Not that Van Gogh himself is imaginary - I mean I imagined that we were friends, and that I could talk to him...

(!)

OK! Moving right along... ;)

Here are ten amazing blogs I have recently discovered (wow, it was hard to just pick ten...and how recent is 'recent?' - I figured I'd go with blogs I've found in the past couple months- all those I've been followin' awhile, you know I love you!...) I didn't nominate Dotty Bird and Soul Soup Sister since they already nominated me, so I hope you know that I love those blogs as well.

Allright, here you go ~ in no particular order ~

1. Wooly Moss Roots
2. Rainblissed
3. Chocolate Eyes
4. Family Life
5. Mothwise
6. The Barefoot Crofter
7. VisionWise-EarthLivity1111
8. Freedom Three
9. Our Ash Grove
10. Scraps of Starlight

*There are so many amazing blogs out there, and such thoughtful, interesting, creative people behind them. Many of my all time favorite and new favorite blogs are listed in my links on the sidebar (and I will be adding more, soon.) Glad to be part of it, and thanks for reading!*

Eli's Birthday

2011-08-24T12:42:00.000-07:00

Just had to share a few pictures from yesterday...

Featuring, once again, my favorite yellow baby outfit! I can't get enough of it!

I made a lot of food yesterday...ummm, yeah, kind of went a bit crazy with it! I really do love cooking for the people I love. Especially since my little guy is always so appreciative of whatever's on his plate. ;)

Our hens are laying now (yay!), and so we had a bunch of fresh eggs for a salmon-cheddar-broccoli quiche, and I used our latest potatoes from the garden to make some mashies with celery.

*Mmm...*

We still are getting rhubarb in the garden, and we'd just bought a box of Okanagan apples, so I made a rhubarb apple cobbler for his birthday cake.

It turned out kind of goofy looking, but he didn't mind. :)

We had some of our neighbors stop by after dinner to sing to Eli and eat the cobbler :)

We love our neighbors!

Eli had this expression of amusement on his face the whole time - I can only imagine what he must have thought of all of us singing to him in his high chair. Not to mention the candle (which he kept trying to grab!) I wish I knew what he was thinking. :)

We had just a few presents for him - I figured he'd likely be more interested in the food, anyway! ;) But I love to give presents, so I was set on finding a few super cute things that would be useful and last him a while.

Geez, I love these shoes! And his Grandparents sent this cute little Noah's Ark...

I found him this little gnome house on Etsy from Rjabbinik - I ordered it in February or something, as it was coming from the Czech Republic. So I've had it stashed away for months! I thought it was pretty darn cute.

Eli was pretty excited about that gnome house!
"Oooh!..."

...and the curvy wooden spoon. (He's got it in his hand right now while he nurses, too! *sigh*)

It was such a beautiful evening. After our neighbors went home and we cleaned up, my little man went to sleep right in my lap, and I watched him for a while, just amazed at how quickly this year has gone, thinking about the day he was born, how it feels just a blink away.

I was hoping to read his birth story to the family, but the wee ones went to sleep not long after the sun. So I read it to my husband as we lay in bed. I kept smiling while I was reading it. I forgot how unexpected, how beautiful his birth had been. How surprised I'd been to have a boy, how much I loved him instantly.

That love multiplies every day.

Happy first birthday, my dear boy!

Child of the Woods

2011-08-22T11:50:00.000-07:00

At 6:37 tomorrow morning, he will be one year old.

Every day I give thanks that he is our boy.

Eli, we love you!

apple of the forest

{this moment}

A Chicken Named Soap

*Bourbon Reds*

{this moment}

* Mushroom Farmin' *

{this moment}

* Brigit's Two ~ Day Oatcake *

~ Brigit's Day ~

{this moment}

* Mystic Orb Love! *

*Ruskovilla Revival*

~ Happy Birthday, Mom ~

Stories for Snowy Days

I'm not ignoring you, I swear!

{this moment}

Inside, Outside

~ Snow Days ~

{this moment}

~ Transitions ~

{this moment}

~ Rainy Day Reads ~

~ Hello, 2012 ~

~ Merry Christmas ~

* Ring Out, Solstice Bells! *

~ The Shortest Day ~

Preparing for Yuletide

On Winter's Margin

Goodbye, 'Hewwo!'

Full Moon Frost

{this moment}

Winter Light

{this moment}

Seven Things You Don't Know About Me...

Thanks, Chickens!

Gratitude * Sunday

May I Introduce to You...

{this moment}

*Here's to Food and Family*

*Our Lantern Walk*

Oh, the Wind and Rain

Desert Days

And Here We Are...

Away We Go...

{this moment}

~ All Hallows Eve ~

{this moment}

Cold Morning Beauty

*By the Nooksack River*

Pumpkin Time

{this moment}

North Star Dreaming

{this moment}

*Squash Galore*

Afternoon Hike

Gratitude * Sunday

{this moment}

Apple Elves

Fire Fairies

Mr. Squirrel

*Welcoming the Salmon*

Returning...

~ To Autumn ~

Madonna of the Corn Fields

Gratitude * Sunday

{this moment}

*Standing*

There she goes...

Gratitude * Sunday

Green Bean Season

{this moment}

*Septembering*

{this moment}

Reflections on Okanagan Days

You Rock

Today, I Totally Freaked Out.

{this moment}

The Versatile Blogger

*Eli's Birthday*

*Child of the Woods*

Bourbon Reds

Ruskovilla Revival

Here's to Food and Family

Our Lantern Walk

By the Nooksack River

Squash Galore

Welcoming the Salmon

Standing

Septembering

Eli's Birthday

Child of the Woods